Tag Archives: motorcycle humor

I wonder if my Aprilia Tuono dreams?

I rode my Aprilia Tuono to work the fuel stabilizer through it and prepare myself mentally for our long winter separation. Almost like losing a good friend for few months. My wife will not let me keep it in our bedroom, she’s funny that way. During the ride I realized how disconnected I am from everything but the motorcycle. The Tuono and I are moving through the ever-expanding universe as one bio-mechanical life force, man and machine. As opposed to a man and his dog. In my case that would be dogs, but that’s another blog.

My Aprilia Tuono is now 6.5 years old. I don’t know how many years that is in human years. There most be some factor for calculating its age in humans years. I only have about 4500 miles on it. Not a lot of miles on it, so in mechanically it’s in good shape. But in terms of motorcycle technology it’s getting old, not ready for retirement yet, but well on the way. The motorcycles coming out now make my Tuono look like a riding lawnmower. Tuono has about 120 HP at the rear wheel compared to the new motorcycles which generate about 160 HP and above at the rear wheel. None of that fancy stuff either, no traction control, ABS or those other gizmos.

Operating the Tuono keeps me in the now or the moment. As though I’m in some type moving bubble that keeps everything out but gravity. Good thing gravity gets in the bubble, that would be a problem if it didn’t. Enjoying only the essences of the motorcycle of the as I ride it, if there’s such a thing. Think about it, couple of billion years ago some stars exploded and spit out the pieces to create my Tuono and everything else. Maybe, in couple billion years from now the pieces from my Tuono will recombine back into another sun and restart the cycle. So I guess, I’m sticking with the word “essences.” hopefully the next cycle will see some different colors.

When I’m riding the Aprilia there’s symphony of movements, working the front brake lever, clutch lever, the brake pedal, gear shift lever and shifting my body around. The variations in the vibration in the handgrips, changes in pitch from the engine and the increase volume of the pulsating exhaust are all following me note for note in my little symphony. Somehow my Tuono knows my favorite song.

Down-shifting and up-shifting to keep the engine in the middle of its power band. Continually watching tachometer as I go through the gears. No slipper clutch on this baby. The tachometer is the most important instrument on this motorcycle, just like the EKG machine for humans. Even though I live in the States the speedometer still reads kilometers, I guess could change it, but I don’t. Might as well leave it in its native language. It’s hard to learn a new language when you get older. Besides who looks at the speedometer thing anyhow.

This the oldest motorcycle in the group of motorcycles that I own. Always the first one to go up for the winter and last to get out for the summer. Tucked away in the back corner of the garage. Far away from the cold Chicagoland winter winds. The last thing I have to do to the Tuono before I put the cover on is to remove the battery. When I’m removing the battery the movie “2001: Space Odyssey” comes to mind. The part where they’re removing circuit boards to shut the computer “HAL 9000” down. I wonder if my Tuono dreams?

Thank you for reading my blog. I wish I could pay you for reading my blogs, but I can’t. Although, it’s likely that you are much smarter now than you were a few minutes ago. Hopefully it only took you few minutes. Don’t run and get an IQ test just yet. Your increased intelligence can’t be measured in the old fashioned regular ways, but you are, you’ll just have to take my word for it. If you need proof for your employer please contact at bill@coolcycledude.com.

Wear your helmet, enjoy your life and be safe.

No Moto Guzzi For Me!

I finally got to ride a Moto Guzzi. Sort of a life long dream for me to ride this brand of motorcycle. Was really looking forward to it. This was supposed to be one those moments in my life. I hate to use this analogy, but I will any way. It’s like losing your virginity with someone  is one of those moments. Losing it by yourself doesn’t count by the way. I don’t care what they told you. Those are one of the moments we’re taking about here. Hopefully it lasted longer than a minute for you. Oh, don’t you pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about either. I have one word to describe this losing my virginity-like moment: primitive.  That’s right, primitive. I thought for a moment that I had slipped back into time and was riding my very first mini-bike.

Before I go to far into this blog I need to frame a few things. The motorcycle had 16,000 miles or 26,000 kilometers on it. There was oil seeping from bottom of the cylinder and the tires needed to be replaced. Also, there’s possibility that I have been spoiled because I ride mostly Japanese motorcycles. Just in case you don’t know it, I can hear what you are thinking. “Coolcycledude, you suck, you loser. Why don’t you own a Harley Davidson?” I can answer that. Yes, I sure can. I did own a Harley Davidson during the AMF years. Enough said!

Well, let’s start with problem number one. When I used the center stand, the foot peg smashes into my calf. Ouch! I tried three different approaches to keep from hitting my leg. Still ouch! Even though I like the idea of a center stand, I don’t like the one on this bike. Just to make sure that there wasn’t something wrong with me, I had the shop owner put the motorcycle on the center stand. From the other side of the motorcycle, I saw the look on his face that said “ouch!” This stand punishes you when you use it.

This is my own personal bias but I don’t like motorcycles with dry clutches, never have, never will. They’re noisy making that clanging racket. Like something is lose or about ready to fall off. When you are in neutral or pull in the clutch lever the clanging starts. It’s on the loud side. Dry clutches never seem to grab just right always very very touchy. Tough to use in stop and go traffic. You might as well get off the motorcycle and push it in these situations. The clutch lever pull was very light so that wasn’t a problem.

Engine vibration, oh, I mean whole motorcycle vibration. Don’t bother trying to use the mirrors anywhere from 2,000 to 4,500 rpms. Looking at the mirror during those RPMs was like watching a Jerry Bruckheimer movie. Things in the mirrors were moving side to side, up and down, all over the place. You couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on behind you. The foot pegs vibrated like they were connected directly to the engine. The whole motorcycle vibrated like on of those beds you put a quarter in. It might be more money now, it has been a long while since I’ve been on one of those.

Steering the motorcycle didn’t seem right either. As the turns got tighter, it got harder to turn the handle bars. It was like driving  a “Total Work Gym” or what ever in hell that thing is called. You know, the thing that Chuck Norris pushes late at night. I didn’t try to lean the motorcycle into the corners. The feedback seemed delayed or something. It reminded me of driving a  snow sled on ice. I think the engine is mounted too high in the frame. This raises the center of gravity. Gives it an old feeling in the corners.

Okay, let’s talk about the good. I liked the instrument cluster, really liked the analog  gauges. The seat was nice and comfortable. It comes with Belimo brakes and they work well. That was pretty much it.

Let me make a prediction, Moto Guzzi will never advertise on my blog or website. I would not buy this motorcycle, period. But that doesn’t mean someone else wouldn’t. Riding a motorcycle is a very enjoyable experience and everyone has different tastes. Thank you very much for reading my blog. Oh, by the way I’m still trying to get you paid when you read my blogs.