Where in the Hell is my long underwear?

Just found this video on You Tube and I had to write about. Okay, I know that ride riding a motorcycle is a lot of fun. I got that, I really do! But this is some crazy shit. Why don’t they just walk into a walk-in freezer and stand around for a half hour or so. On occasion I’ve got to work in a walk-in freezer to replace evaporator fan motors and such. The air temperature in walk-in freezers is at about -10 °F. It is cold in the walk-in freezer, no cold is the wrong word, its freezing!

I couldn’t imagine riding a motorcycle in temperatures that cold. I can spend about 15 to 20 minutes maximum in the walk-in freezer before I need to get out. It will become painfully cold very fast at those temperatures. Check this out  Move the mouse on “Check this out” a click.

Another trip around the sun.

I rode my Honda VTX 1800 for the last time today for this season. Put the fuel stabilizer in the tank and a fill-up with petrol.  You’re probably thinking to yourself “what the hell is petrol?” It’s what the chaps across the pond call fuel. I’m trying to expand my readership in the UK. Back on track! Off I went for a nice three-hour ride to work the fuel stabilizer through the system. Yep, she’s done for the season. That’s right “She.” She doesn’t have a name yet. I’m still thinking about that. Goodbye my fake Harley until next summer. I sometimes refer to Honda VTX 1800 as my fake Harley. The final wash, the removal of the battery, roll her in the corner and putting on the cover is all that’s left to do.

The snow, ice and cold weather are approaching fast and will soon over take the landscape here in the state of ILL (Illinois). No place for a motorcycle or for me for that matter. The snow is painful and a telling reminder that another year has gone by for me and the motorcycle. Another trip around the sun almost completed for both of us. Another segment of my timeline in this universe is gone. Everything has beginning and end time line in case you don’t understand what I’m talking about. If you still don’t get the idea, email me and I will send you picture.

I put about 4,000 miles on the digital odometer this season. Digital odometer! Man things have changed since my first motorcycle. This gives me a total of around 12,000 miles so far on that fancy digital odometer. Not a lot of miles for a six-year old motorcycle, but the miles were spent doing something that I like to do. Like is probably the wrong word. It just doesn’t define how I feel about ride a motorcycle. I’m worried a little bit that the word addiction might be a better choice. High on motorcycles. Is that possible?

This year was different from the last five years. I worked two full-time jobs during that time and I was numb or at some level of zombie most of the time. Okay, quick break from the main idea here. I used the word “zombie” to catch the younger crowd. They seem to be spending a lot time watching zombie programs. I don’t get this zombie craze, but I’m trying to create a connection with people in all age groups. Sorry for the delay, back on track, again. I finally retired from one of them. That was the plan! I just have a regular job where I go in and come home without any worries of what goes on when I leave. Working two jobs has interfered with my ability to absorb and interact with the life experiences around me. Did I mention the zombie bit?

Riding the VTX 1800 and the other motorcycles that I own was almost like a brand new experience for me this summer. Almost like I just picked them up from the dealer and was on the very first ride home. A sort of a rebirth for me.  I’ve got to stop here for a second, hang on, trying to picture in my mind this whole rebirth thing. Hmm, not a pretty picture. Okay, let’ try this. A revitalization of my passion for riding motorcycles.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog. One of two things is going to happen now. You’ll unfollow me as fast as you can or maybe you’ll start your very own blog. A word of caution if you unfollow me I will find you! Oh, I’m off my meds and the voices in my head are getting louder.  Just want to make that clear before you doing anything rash. Please check out my YouTube channel coolcycledude Also you can follow me on twitter @coolcycledude

Why are all the Aliens such pussies?

Just saw the Cowboys and Aliens movie. It should have been called the Cowboys, Aliens, Indians and a Dog movie. I’m not a big Cowboy movie fan. Went with the wife, going along with the program. Of course I saw all of the Clint Eastwood cowboy movies. I think just about everyone on the planet has seen those movies. I know this isn’t the most important question in the universe, but why not “Cowman?” You have “Snowman, Postman, Batman and so on.” Why do we still use the term “Cowboys”?

I think from now on I’m going to the show liquored or on acid. Things will make a lot more sense. Aliens have the technology to travel vast distances in space, but the Earth always has something they need. Is the Earth the 7-Eleven of the universe? Man I hope you live near a 7-Eleven or you won’t know what in the hell I’m talking about. Trying to make this a regional piece, trying to focus in on my market. Sorry.

The Aliens are here for the gold. Gold! Not to enslave the human race, not to steal our women or water this time. No, just the gold. No gold where they live? Is there a shortage of wedding rings on their planet? Maybe they need something to back up their money, too. It could be that the universe is in a recession and their worried about defaulting on their loans to other Aliens.

It’s good to see Harrison Ford still has an acting job. I wonder if he will draw any Star Wars fans? If you think about it Star Wars, was kind of a space western. I could see Star Wars fans seeing this movie. So this movie should get the people who like Cowboys, Star Wars and Lassie.

How come Aliens don’t wear clothes? Don’t Aliens have any fashion sense? Not even one Harley-Davidson tee shirt among them. Doesn’t it seem odd that an advanced race of Aliens can build spaceships, but can’t make any clothing? Really think about it. How does that happen?

Or, maybe, just before they land they smoke some alien wacky weed. If we’re doing it here on Earth, you know they’re doing it on the other side of the universe. Don’t kid yourself. So one of the stoned aliens says, “Hey dude, when we land, dude, let’s take off all of our clothing and run around naked.” Another stoned alien replies “Cool, dude, that should scare the shit out of them.”

Okay, let’s talk about the plot of the movie.  Some Aliens come to earth and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH and then they get their asses whooped. Why are the all of the Aliens such pussies? They always have the best weapons, biggest spaceships, but still they manage to get their butts kicked. Do they have a bunch of MBA’s running the show?

Chuck Norris should set up school for Aliens. Or better yet the Aliens could steal some of Chuck’s DNA and combine it with their DNA. That would have made a better movie. The Aliens come to earth and try to take some DNA from Chuck. Whoop, there it is more Aliens getting their asses kicked.

Thanks for reading my blog. I hope you weren’t in the process of solving the world’s problem and started reading this. Again thank you very much for reading my blog post. Please check out my You Tube channel coolcycledude and follow me on twitter @coolcycledude. Enjoy your life and be safe.

That Vmax is going to get me into trouble one day

I was riding north on a certain road in the state of ILL on my Vmax when some meatball on Harley Davidson blows by me in my lane. We meet up at the next light, he looks over at me and with cigar hanging out of his mouth and says “Japanese piece of shit.”  I thought to myself “Okay MOFO, game on, bitch.”

I turned my head toward him to get a better look at my new best buddy. I could see without doubt he was a product of damaged DNA. Probably a neutrino escaping from the sun collided with the DNA sequence used to make brain cells. Leaving him a few billon short. Looked in my mirrors to see his two chimp friends behind us on their HD’s. This is going to be fun I thought.

He had just about every HD promotional product on his body. He had the boots, shirt, vest, gloves and his scarf helmet. Included in his ensemble was a couple HD tattoos on his arm. I don’t know about you but if I wore all that stuff I would want to be paid for it. I know people buy this stuff to feel a sense of belonging. To me buying all this crap just helps the Chinese economy.

The light changes to green and I crack the throttle wide open. Two things are now in my sight, the tachometer needle flying across tachometer and the stupid look disappearing from his face in my mirror. After that it was just shift light flashes and gear changes. I slowed down so we could meet at the next light.

When he got to light, I looked over at him and told him “nice motorcycle.”  No response for him, kind of hurt my feelings. I tried to communicate with him again “nice paint job” I told him. He didn’t even look at me. His cigar was now missing from his mouth.He just didn’t look the same without it either. I hope he didn’t swallow it. Gave him one more glance to see if the communication path was open. No, not much to say. He was watching the traffic light like his life depended on it.

The light turned green, off he went laying rubber on the pavement. I started counting, one thousand, two thousand and three thousand. I think his HD buddies were confused with my delay. I turned the throttle and held on.  I think my Vmax realized it was behind and got angry. Like some thoroughbred race horses do when they are behind. I didn’t look at the tachometer this time just the shift light. I passed him like he was standing still.

The rush of all of that speed made me forgo the thought of damage to myself or anyone else. I’m pretty sure I would have continued to increase my velocity if it wasn’t for the speedometer. 137 mph, “oh shit, OH SHIT.” 137 mph in 45 mph speed zone! My non-damaged, but slow, brain quickly did the math. 137 divided 45 equals good-bye drivers license for a long long time. Which means the wife would be driving me around for the next 10 years. I know she would be looking forward to that.

Thank you very much for reading my blog post. Please checkout my You Tube channel coolcycledude and follow me on twitter @coolcycledude. Enjoy your life and be safe.

Running with the pack

Got a chance to take a nice long ride on my Honda VTX 1800 last weekend.  Spent about 7.5 hours traveling across the state of Illinois. Or the state of ILL as I like to call it. Stopped a few times to fill up the fuel tank and leave some fluids.  Didn’t stop to eat anything, kept riding. I rode with some members from the Jersey Pine Cruisers.  They’re located in Des Plaines Illinois. A lot of Goldwing riders, but anyone with a motorcycle is allowed to join in on the rides. Certainly they are a cast of characters, no doubt about that.

My VTX is about 6 years old now, almost one dog year.  Honda stopped making the 1800cc version of the VTX in  2008. Although, they’re still making the 1300 cc version of the VTX. This motorcycle was Honda’s first salvo at trying to increase their market share in the cruiser market. This is a very completive sector of the overall motorcycles market. In reality this was a pretty lofty goal to try to gain market share in this sector.

Honda was aiming to take away from Harley Davidson. Like I said, a pretty lofty goal to say the least. Harley Davidson really has lock on this market. They should. They have created a culture that has crossed race, gender, age and just about every other barrier known to the human race.  Maybe, Harley Davidson should be given a grant from the Federal Government to solve world peace. Just an idea, couldn’t hurt.

Back on track, my ride on my VTX 1800. This motorcycle seems to fit me like glove. Not like the OJ glove either. It’s like the motorcycle and I are like Lego blocks. I just snap in and go. Lego blocks are those things you played with as a kid and step on as an adult. Looking down at your foot right now and thinking “Shit, I haven’t stepped on one of those damn things in a long time.”

There was a time when my VTX 1800 was more of a torture device then a motorcycle. Couldn’t ride it to long before I had a lot pain, everywhere. I rode it for about 2 years before I decided to change the seat. I just had to get rid of the stock seat. Replaced it with a Mustang seat.  The funny part about this is how quickly the new seat changed my riding experience. They first thing that went through my mind was, “Why in the hell did wait so long to do this?” Old dog, new tricks would be the correct answer.

It was perfect day to ride a motorcycle. Not hot or windy, just a beautiful day. One day that I will remember for a very long time. Pushing my motorcycle through the turns. Cracking the throttle full open to hear the engine roar. Watching the gas tank shake as the RPMs increase. Seeing the digital speedometer display 90 MPH and thinking to myself “Man, this is just too fun!”

Only downside was I couldn’t stop to take any pictures or videos. Had the digital camera and the Flip video camera with me. These guys don’t like to stop for anything but fuel. Saw a lot of things that I would have liked to take pictures or video of. Oh well, one day I will make the trip by myself. But still I’ve got the mental pictures and videos in my brain. Plenty of space in there. Just worried about the refresh rate.

Thank you very much for reading my blog post. Please checkout my You Tube channel coolcycledude and follow me on twitter @coolcycledude. Enjoy your life and be safe.

The New Transformers Movie

A lot of stuff gets blown-up-real-good. It looks like most of downtown Chicago got destroyed. I’m not completely sure, but the building I work in may have fallen victim to the giant robots. Good thing I wasn’t in it during the attack. This movie theater was jammed with people. I guess people really like to watching giant robots destroying things. Don’t get it, but going along with the program. I know my wife @heidithorne sure does. I should probably analyze my wife’s thirst for giant robots destroying things one day. Why can’t robots come to earth and cure cancer or create world peace. Why not giant Gandhi robots? Probably not too many people would want to see 2.5 hours of  giant Gandhi robots. Of course you never know. There could be a giant evil Gandhi robot if that’s possible.

This may sound odd, but do these giant robots need to go to the bathroom. I know I sure did after sitting there for 2.5 hours. I was about ready to pee in my pants. Which is not uncommon for me. So if I have to go, they must too. Maybe giant robot bladders can hold a lot more then ours. I can see the comments already, “Of course they can, they have bigger bladders, they’re giant robots. You sure are dumb coolcycledude, don’t you know anything about giant robot physiology. “Well I mean, they might have bigger bladders even for giant robots. Think how funny this would be. Picture this in your mind.  The giant robot just finishes destroying a building. Building parts scattered all over the place. Just like a giant robot would do. The giant robot walks over to another building, turns his robot head right then left to make sure no one looking and then takes leek on the other building. I know what you’re thinking, coolcycledude, you should be writing movie scripts for a living. I couldn’t agree more with you.

The big question I have about the giants robots is why do they need humans as slaves? To rebuild the their planet that they blew up. Oh, okay, wow, it all make sense to me now. I don’t want money back now, go ahead and keep it. Couldn’t they just build robot slaves? Imagine the logistics of managing 3 billion human slaves. Think of all of the code violations that would occur when they start rebuilding. Who’s going to feed all of these people? Will they have health care? Hopefully the giant robots don’t use Blue Cross Blue Shield as their insurance provider. How do you move all these people around ? After a few days of managing 3 billion human beings.They would get their giant robot asses in their robot spaceships and get as far away from earth as they can. Might even erase earth from their space maps.

Another question I have, is where did the robots learn to speak English. Did they use a Rosetta-Stone language course. Is English a required language in their education system? Or, maybe as they were all driving to earth they were swapping the Rosetta-Stone CDs or DVDs in and out of their robot computers.What would happen if they would have made mistake and landed in Japan. Maybe they have the whole series of Rosetta-Stone language courses on the robot spaceships. One other quick question. Do you think Rosetta-Stone will send me a free language course after mentioning then 4 times in this blog? Oh, if you know someone who works for Rosetta-Stone, please tell them about this blog. Sorry, but I like free stuff.

Wasn’t there motorcycles that turned into robots in the last Transformer movie? That would have been so cool to see a robot-motorcycle or a motorcycle-robot. Talk about product placement. It would have surely helped the motorcycle industry. That was one of the reasons I went to see the movie. Maybe, I have my giant robot movies mixed up. You know, the giant robots in these movies are all starting to look alike to me. I know that sounds racists, I just call them as I see them.

Thank you for reading my blog. You know, you could have used your time to wait in line to buy tickets to see a giant robot movie. Please check out my You Tube channel, coolcycledude. Ride your motorcycle and enjoy your life.

I wonder if my Aprilia Tuono dreams?

I rode my Aprilia Tuono to work the fuel stabilizer through it and prepare myself mentally for our long winter separation. Almost like losing a good friend for few months. My wife will not let me keep it in our bedroom, she’s funny that way. During the ride I realized how disconnected I am from everything but the motorcycle. The Tuono and I are moving through the ever-expanding universe as one bio-mechanical life force, man and machine. As opposed to a man and his dog. In my case that would be dogs, but that’s another blog.

My Aprilia Tuono is now 6.5 years old. I don’t know how many years that is in human years. There most be some factor for calculating its age in humans years. I only have about 4500 miles on it. Not a lot of miles on it, so in mechanically it’s in good shape. But in terms of motorcycle technology it’s getting old, not ready for retirement yet, but well on the way. The motorcycles coming out now make my Tuono look like a riding lawnmower. Tuono has about 120 HP at the rear wheel compared to the new motorcycles which generate about 160 HP and above at the rear wheel. None of that fancy stuff either, no traction control, ABS or those other gizmos.

Operating the Tuono keeps me in the now or the moment. As though I’m in some type moving bubble that keeps everything out but gravity. Good thing gravity gets in the bubble, that would be a problem if it didn’t. Enjoying only the essences of the motorcycle of the as I ride it, if there’s such a thing. Think about it, couple of billion years ago some stars exploded and spit out the pieces to create my Tuono and everything else. Maybe, in couple billion years from now the pieces from my Tuono will recombine back into another sun and restart the cycle. So I guess, I’m sticking with the word “essences.” hopefully the next cycle will see some different colors.

When I’m riding the Aprilia there’s symphony of movements, working the front brake lever, clutch lever, the brake pedal, gear shift lever and shifting my body around. The variations in the vibration in the handgrips, changes in pitch from the engine and the increase volume of the pulsating exhaust are all following me note for note in my little symphony. Somehow my Tuono knows my favorite song.

Down-shifting and up-shifting to keep the engine in the middle of its power band. Continually watching tachometer as I go through the gears. No slipper clutch on this baby. The tachometer is the most important instrument on this motorcycle, just like the EKG machine for humans. Even though I live in the States the speedometer still reads kilometers, I guess could change it, but I don’t. Might as well leave it in its native language. It’s hard to learn a new language when you get older. Besides who looks at the speedometer thing anyhow.

This the oldest motorcycle in the group of motorcycles that I own. Always the first one to go up for the winter and last to get out for the summer. Tucked away in the back corner of the garage. Far away from the cold Chicagoland winter winds. The last thing I have to do to the Tuono before I put the cover on is to remove the battery. When I’m removing the battery the movie “2001: Space Odyssey” comes to mind. The part where they’re removing circuit boards to shut the computer “HAL 9000” down. I wonder if my Tuono dreams?

Thank you for reading my blog. I wish I could pay you for reading my blogs, but I can’t. Although, it’s likely that you are much smarter now than you were a few minutes ago. Hopefully it only took you few minutes. Don’t run and get an IQ test just yet. Your increased intelligence can’t be measured in the old fashioned regular ways, but you are, you’ll just have to take my word for it. If you need proof for your employer please contact at bill@coolcycledude.com.

Wear your helmet, enjoy your life and be safe.

No Moto Guzzi For Me!

I finally got to ride a Moto Guzzi. Sort of a life long dream for me to ride this brand of motorcycle. Was really looking forward to it. This was supposed to be one those moments in my life. I hate to use this analogy, but I will any way. It’s like losing your virginity with someone  is one of those moments. Losing it by yourself doesn’t count by the way. I don’t care what they told you. Those are one of the moments we’re taking about here. Hopefully it lasted longer than a minute for you. Oh, don’t you pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about either. I have one word to describe this losing my virginity-like moment: primitive.  That’s right, primitive. I thought for a moment that I had slipped back into time and was riding my very first mini-bike.

Before I go to far into this blog I need to frame a few things. The motorcycle had 16,000 miles or 26,000 kilometers on it. There was oil seeping from bottom of the cylinder and the tires needed to be replaced. Also, there’s possibility that I have been spoiled because I ride mostly Japanese motorcycles. Just in case you don’t know it, I can hear what you are thinking. “Coolcycledude, you suck, you loser. Why don’t you own a Harley Davidson?” I can answer that. Yes, I sure can. I did own a Harley Davidson during the AMF years. Enough said!

Well, let’s start with problem number one. When I used the center stand, the foot peg smashes into my calf. Ouch! I tried three different approaches to keep from hitting my leg. Still ouch! Even though I like the idea of a center stand, I don’t like the one on this bike. Just to make sure that there wasn’t something wrong with me, I had the shop owner put the motorcycle on the center stand. From the other side of the motorcycle, I saw the look on his face that said “ouch!” This stand punishes you when you use it.

This is my own personal bias but I don’t like motorcycles with dry clutches, never have, never will. They’re noisy making that clanging racket. Like something is lose or about ready to fall off. When you are in neutral or pull in the clutch lever the clanging starts. It’s on the loud side. Dry clutches never seem to grab just right always very very touchy. Tough to use in stop and go traffic. You might as well get off the motorcycle and push it in these situations. The clutch lever pull was very light so that wasn’t a problem.

Engine vibration, oh, I mean whole motorcycle vibration. Don’t bother trying to use the mirrors anywhere from 2,000 to 4,500 rpms. Looking at the mirror during those RPMs was like watching a Jerry Bruckheimer movie. Things in the mirrors were moving side to side, up and down, all over the place. You couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on behind you. The foot pegs vibrated like they were connected directly to the engine. The whole motorcycle vibrated like on of those beds you put a quarter in. It might be more money now, it has been a long while since I’ve been on one of those.

Steering the motorcycle didn’t seem right either. As the turns got tighter, it got harder to turn the handle bars. It was like driving  a “Total Work Gym” or what ever in hell that thing is called. You know, the thing that Chuck Norris pushes late at night. I didn’t try to lean the motorcycle into the corners. The feedback seemed delayed or something. It reminded me of driving a  snow sled on ice. I think the engine is mounted too high in the frame. This raises the center of gravity. Gives it an old feeling in the corners.

Okay, let’s talk about the good. I liked the instrument cluster, really liked the analog  gauges. The seat was nice and comfortable. It comes with Belimo brakes and they work well. That was pretty much it.

Let me make a prediction, Moto Guzzi will never advertise on my blog or website. I would not buy this motorcycle, period. But that doesn’t mean someone else wouldn’t. Riding a motorcycle is a very enjoyable experience and everyone has different tastes. Thank you very much for reading my blog. Oh, by the way I’m still trying to get you paid when you read my blogs.

No Tachometer? What The "Fire Truck?"

How can someone ride a motorcycle without tachometer? Why on earth would you want own a motorcycle without a tachometer? Is there something wrong with you? Don’t ask yourself that question, ask someone else, your opinion would be biased. Are you really cheap?  You can ask yourself that one, no second opinion is needed. Are you future dinosaur food?  Only time will tell on that one. Without a tachometer you might as well be riding a riding lawnmower or minbike. You and your John Deere cruising the highway. Do you look good in green?

The tachometer is the most important instrument on your motorcycle. All of that other stuff is to meet some governmental regulation. Just “the man” taking control of your life. That speedometer thing is way overrated. Periodically I’ve notice that the value on the speedometer thing changes from time to time. But otherwise the information from it is completely useless. They might as well tear that thing out and put a clock in its place.

Don’t listen to me, look at the current motorcycle manufacturing trends. The tachometer is getting bigger and that speedometer thing is getting smaller. Very very tiny, so so small. The tachometer on my Vmax is so big you can see it from outer space. The tachometer on the Vmax is so big it works like a windscreen. If I park my Vmax a certain way, the tachometer will cause an eclipse in the state Illinois. I’m pretty sure you got the point now, right?

Let’s say you have motorcycle without a tachometer, there still hope for you, you can be saved. An upgrade kit can be purchased giving you opportunity to fit in with the real motorcycle community. You don’t want people to say “Are you sure that person doesn’t have a tachometer on their motorcycle?” Yes I’m sure! Well I guess the world needs ditch diggers too!

If you plan on getting and riding a motorcycle without a tachometer to shift the gears correctly, you should get one of those Electronic Transmission motorcycles, slacker. Also, you might want to get in line to order power steering for your next motorcycle.

I believe it’s a good idea to give credit where credit is due. Using the words “fire truck” to replace another word was not my idea. I wish it was, but it’s not, got the idea from Smosh.com. They have the capability to sing and dance, check it out.

Wear your helmet, I don’t want you to get hurt. I need as many people as possible to read my blogs. As far as I can tell dead people don’t read blogs. Be safe!

Motorcycle conversation and a whole lot more!