Kill Kill Kill!

Yep, that white stuff is on the ground again. It happens every year about this time. Depression sets in immediately. I am separated from My Mechanical Friends who are in motorcycle purgatory for the next 4 to 5 months. One of MMFs in our garage and the other three are in storage facilities. Yep, that’s right I refer to my motorcycles as “My Mechanical Friends.” I like to use the acronym “MMF” on a regular basis.

So I ask myself these life questions every year at this time. Why does the earth have to be tilted? Why can’t it be straight up and down? Why can’t the sun step up the fusion process in the winter months? Why can’t it snow in Arizona for a couple of years? Where in the hell is my Scooby Doo lunchbox from second grade? Why did I waste so much time watching the “Lost” television series?

Gone but not forgotten MMF.
Gone but not forgotten MMF.

I know what you’re thinking. Why don’t I live somewhere where it’s warmer? Ah, to live in California, Texas, Arizona, Florida or Arkansas. I could ride 10 to 12 months out of the year. Coolcycledude even got the wife’s okay, she said “go ahead and move.” Good thing coolcycledude is fluent in woman / wife speak. “Go ahead and move” really means “I dare you.”

Well, either way the snow, cold and ice will be here to stay in the state of ILL for a while. Damn! I’m not very happy about that either. Angry might be a better term. I could read a few books. Maybe, I could spend some time learning how to use damn cable remote. Of course there’s always solving some of the world’s problems. But that’s not going to happen! Nope,no,no way. I need to release my pain. So the only thing left to do is KILL KILL KILL!!!! Let carnage begin!

That’s right my winter nights will be spent killing, playing the guitar, eating and going to the gym. Yep, pretty much in that exact order. It couldn’t be a better time for destroying my newly digitized enemies with the release of Call of Duty Advanced Warfare. Time to blow some shit up! Boom Boom Baby Boom!

I’ll be sending my virtual enemies to that great digital void one after another. Their memory locations are overwritten as I slaughter them one by one. Their existence will only last milliseconds as I scatter their pixelated parts in every direction on the LED screen.

I’m a Video Game Psychopath. I sure sound dangerous. That’s because I am. Very very dangerous! In the digital realm I have no empathy or remorse for my actions or my digital victims. I’m a biological killing machine in the land of ones and zeros. I don’t care about leader boards or rankings. The only thing that matters to me is to eliminate my rendered enemies by any means available.

I love the sound of rounds leaving the barrel of my virtual AK-47 in my headphones. The flash on the screen from when I detonate the C4 attached to my enemies tanks sending them back to the hard drive in pieces. As I progress through the games levels the console’s BIOS system starts expand the available memory to create a digital burial ground for my enemies.

Those video game developers spend thousands of hours writing software routines to give my enemies artificial intelligence. Artificial intelligence, yep that’s going to work against me. Wrong! Those AI subroutines only delay my enemies’ trip back to the RAM. Let them write all they want.

I have an evil CPU installed on my motherboard. The evil CPU has its own instruction set. These instructions include “head-shot bitch”,”kill streak” and “triple kill.” The software programmers just can’t create the “Video Game Psychopath” subroutine. Maybe, when Sony introduces the PS25 they might have a chance.

I know what you’re thinking. Coolcycledude you need help and there’s too much violence in the world already, why are you playing those damn video games. And my answer is “because the only place where I like to see violence is the digital realm.” Ride your motorcycle if you can and be safe!

2 thoughts on “Kill Kill Kill!”

  1. Good one. Not a gamer myself but I can appreciate getting out aggression in a favorite hobby. I live in Jersey and the older I get the more I hate winter. And you know, that “S” word. Ugh – definitely too old for this shite.

    Take care.

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