Category Archives: Books & Movies

The Adventures Mimi and Moto the Motorcycle Monkeys-Book Rewiew

Well I got something in the mail today which was way cool. Very creative little book called The Adventures of Mimi and Moto the Motorcycle Monkeys. Yup, motorcycle monkeys. Its direct application is to get the little tykes involved in motorcycling using a Disney-like genre. This book is approximately 20 odd pages. So, if you’re looking for something along the lines of War and Peace, you’re out of luck. But if you’re looking for a really cool book to read to your children, nieces, nephews, grandkids and anyone under the age of five in your close vicinity, this is definitely the book you want to have in your hand.

Before I go too much further, I want to provide you with the contact information to possibly purchase this book. It can be purchased off of Amazon. And you can purchase it directly by clicking this link to www.mimiandmoto.com. Okay, I got that out of the way. (And I want to thank the authors for sending me this copy of the book to review.)

This book is a children’s motorcycle picture book that will inspire future participants in the motorcycle industry. No “See Spot Run” in this book. Do they even have “See Spot Run” books in schools anymore? Let’s get back on track. The illustrations in this book will spark a child’s imagination while teaching him or her motorcycle safety. It also teaches about camaraderie with your mates on the open road. This is definitely a book that a child would treasure.

This book is 100% coolcycledude approved!

It ain’t Shakespeare, Bullet to the Head movie review.

Just saw the movie ”Bullet to the Head” the other night with the wife at the show. I was afraid that while I was watching this movie I was going to have to put a bullet in my head. I realized right off the bat I wasn’t going to see Shakespeare. But then the inner voices started talking to me, “Hey, Cool Cycle Dude, you sat through all of those Rocky, Rambo and Expendables movies, there’s no way this could kill you.” “Yep, you’re right,” I told my inner voices. Even my inner voices talk to me in the third-party. So, I guess I’m drawn to the flame like a moth.

But here I am writing this with no foreign materials in my brain. I actually sat through the whole movie without getting up to go to the washroom. This is a really big deal for me. I just didn’t want to miss what was going to get blown up or who was killed next. I use my bladder as the meter to determine whether or not a movie is watchable.

Okay, let’s talk about the obvious first. Sylvester Stallone is in really good shape for a 60-something-year-old dude. That’s a fact, I can only hope that I somehow manage to maintain half of his physical prowess. I’m going downhill fast. Good thing they stopped making Twinkies. I’m not really a big fan of Twinkies anyhow. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the “signals” that you have become an adult is when you stop eating Twinkies. Actually what parent would be stuffing Twinkies down their kids’ throats considering they have a five-year shelf life?

Stallone did a lot of mumbling and there were several times when I asked the wife, “What the hell did he say?” For a while I thought maybe there was some sort of new language that he was developing. I’m going to give you a Stallone fact. Part of his face was paralyzed during birth because of complications. He had to be removed using forceps which caused the nerve damage. So the next time I see a Rocky / Rambo / Expendables / whatever-the-hell’s-next movie, I will have more compassion for the way he speaks.

There were some things in the movie that were technically correct. Like one scene in the movie where the bad guys are trying to ventilate Stallone’s character’s house with bullets. The bad guys actually had two hands on their fully automatic assault weapons. I don’t know how many of you have actually fired an assault weapon in full auto. But it’s almost impossible to hit anything if you don’t have two hands on the weapon.

There were other scenes in the movie where they had to use weapons in close quarters combat situations. The weapon for close quarters combat is a pistol not an assault rifle. It was sort of cartoonish because they had to just about always empty the clip into their opponent. Even though one or two rounds to the bad guys chest would have done it. I guess they wanted to make sure that the bad guy was double dead.

And, of course, you had plenty of fisticuffs, knife fights and something brand new and exciting, ax fighting. At the start of the ax fighting, Stallone’s character says, “Are we Vikings now?” There were several scenes with this type of banter to keep you involved in the movie. Also they tugged a little bit on your emotions when Stallone’s character offspring gets kidnapped. I started to cry uncontrollably at this point and told my wife to hold me.

A lot of things got blown up in this movie. Also, Stallone’s character had no problem whatsoever blowing up his own personal possessions. He blew up his car and his house. I’m pretty sure that’s going to raise his insurance premiums. That makes these types of movies even more exciting. You know you’re going to see the bad guys and their stuff gets blown up. But it’s definitely a plus when the good guy starts blowing his stuff up, too. Boom! Boom! Boom! Baby! I’m not one to try to predict the future, but I think we’re going to see Bullet to the Head 2.

I would recommend this movie if you need some mindless escapist entertainment. And like I said in the beginning, it ain’t Shakespeare. Thanks for reading my blog. Checkout my You Tube Channel

The Sky is Falling?

I just saw the new James Bond movie “Sky Fall” or whatever in the hell it was called. I pretty much knew I didn’t like this movie because my behind started to get sore during the process of watching it. This pain is probably the lack of blood flow or possible nerve damage who knows? But still, that’s pretty much how I measure whether I like a movie or not. If I start to feel pain in my behind it’s over. I know it seems odd to measure a movie ability to entertain using my ass but it seems to work every time. So the ass-o-meter registered double suck for this movie.The ass-o-meter is also good for testing motorcycle seats, but that’s another story.

I’d also like to point this out, there were a lot of women at this movie. Of course these women were in groups from 2 to 4. Just like when they go to the bathroom. I was somewhat surprising to me because I assumed being James Bond is every male’s fantasy. Yes, there were a few groups of guys. But I would have to guess it was predominantly groups of women.

This would be a good time to point out that I really don’t have a fantasy of being James Bond. Being James Bond looks like you have to do a lot of running, swimming, shooting, and a lot of other things that require substantial energy. Also it appears that he is unable to form a lasting relationship with females. Even though it appears James Bond has multiple partners it just seems they don’t work out. It would also appear that most of his short term girlfriends end up getting killed. This is not a life I would ever pursue in reality so definitely wouldn’t be a fantasy for me.

But I realize these James Bond movies are really just fantasies to remove most men from their mundane and trifle existence on this planet. So I guess the question is what are these groups of women doing at this movie? Well here goes my theory. I’m going to guess that these women take Daniel Craig’s head and post it on their husbands or boyfriends head so they too can live in a fantasy world. Yep I’m going to say that some level every woman in the theater wanted “to do” Daniel Craig. Well I guess if I were a woman I would be banging Daniel Craig in my fantasy world too. Just to be clear here coolcycledude is not a women. Nor does coolcycledude have fantasies about banging Daniel Craig. All clear now? Are we good to go?

But still, let’s go over Daniel’s attributes. He’s British, women like that! He’s got that accent that would set him apart from us regular Joe’s in United States. He dresses very nice in this movie.  Imagine if James Bond ran around in sweats pants and a Chicago Bear’s jersey with Brian Urlacher’s number on it. Good old number 54! He has kept himself in very good shape as opposed to most of us who are wearing Urlacher’s jersey. And my number one reason is he has a gun. I know what you’re saying ”women really don’t like guns.” Well I beg to differ the gun represents power and women like power. Okay now I can be officially labeled as a sexes pig.

Enough of my pointless and unfounded theories, it’s time to enhance your life with my review of the contents of this movie. Well here we go! It seems as though MI6 carries the information about their secret agents in a laptop that the hard drive can be easily ripped out. And I do mean ripped out of. It almost looks like the bad guy used a chainsaw or an axe to open up the back of the laptop. You think he would’ve been a little more sophisticated, maybe using a screwdriver, a pair of pliers or some other device that any geek at Best Buy would have.

This is a very small part of the movie, but I really had problems with it. I mean really, you have a laptop floating around with information about the members of your secret organization. I know there a lot of governmental cutbacks in defense spending, but come on give me a break. But coolcycledude “the data on the hard drive is encrypted.” I often wonder why data is actually encrypted when just about in every case the code can be broken to gain access to the data. Let’s hope that this is a trend that only occurs in movies.So this is the catalyst that starts this movie in motion.

Okay so you’re a bad guy and now you have this this hard disk with a now defunct encrypted system. So what do you do with this information?Sell it to the highest bidder?Roundup your bad guy friends and eliminate each one of these agents one by one. Or the most obvious choice is that you post them on YouTube. Yep, that’s exactly what the bad guy does. He exposes the MI6 agents on YouTube, right along with Carrie the fluffy kitty.I can honestly say that was one of the stupidest things I’ve seen in a movie. I assume it was all about brand placement.

The biggest problem I have with this movie is there are very few gadgets. I really don’t care if my wife is thinking about “banging” Daniel throughout the whole movie. I can live with that. What I can’t live with is not enough gadgets in a James bond movie. Really, what the hell is the sense of going to a James Bond movie where there are no gadgets? Also the gadgets that were used had alternative meanings as far as I was concerned. Let’s take for instance James Bond’s pistol the Walter PPK . The pistol was encoded so that he was the only one who could shoot it. In my opinion this has the overtone of gun control all over it. I’m serious, why did in a just have a commercial in the middle of this movie blasting the NRA.

The other gadget if you can call it a gadget. It was a small transmitter looking thing with some bullshit antenna that you would have to pull out. Think about that a device that sends a radio signal that you have to pull out the antenna. Every cell phone that I have see for the last 20 years has no antenna to pullout. So James Bond’s gadget has antenna that you have to pull out so it works. Am I the only one who has a problem with this?

But they did incorporate the Austin Marten BD5 that was used in few other James Bond movies. In case you don’t remember that car it was the one with the ejector passenger seat. If you think about it that had be one of the coolest scenes in any movie to date. James Bond press the ejector button and the bad guy flew out of the sunroof. I’m sure that everyone who saw that immediately had their own application in mind. It also had machine guns that extended from the front of the vehicle. There were a few other cool things on that car but they don’t come to mind.

And last but not least. We had in this movie the shootout at the “Ok Corral” scene. I would surmise from this movie that shotguns are more powerful than fully automatic assault weapons. This is just me thinking out loud but I would prefer the assault weapon myself. So let me go into detail here there are 20 guys with assault weapons and a helicopter with a mini gun hanging out the side of it and all the bad guys get killed. Right, I know its James Bond, but 20 to 2 ratio.

During the “Ok Corral” scene they sort of mixed in a little bit of the “Home Alone” movies. They constructed a bunch of goofy booby-traps inside of the house. But none of them involved a gum wrapper which somewhat surprising.  But this movie kind of turned James Bond into James MacGyver. I personally am not interested in a Bond / MacGyver character.

Okay enough of the negativity. There was about 15 minutes of “way cool” in this movie. James Bond had a chase scene where he rode a motorcycle. That’s right 15 minutes of motorcycle riding. In truly James Bond fashion! They were riding the motorcycles on the roofs of buildings no less. I did notice that the motorcycle had changed in a few of the shots so they didn’t use the same one in all the shots. At this point who cares, I got to watch motorcycles for 15 minutes riding around on roofs of buildings.

 

I would like you thank you very much for taking your time to read my blog.

Kids Killing Kids WTF?

Calling me old fashioned, but I don’t like watching kids kill each other. At least I thought I didn’t! I just saw the Hunger Games at the show with the wife and spent fifteen dollars on tickets. Plus I wasted a couple of hours of my life to do so. Just to set the record straight I don’t like watching kids killing each other. Everyone got the idea? We’re okay? Now that I think about it, I don’t like watching anyone killing anyone. It is so easy to define someone or something as an enemy. I may have turned into big pussy in my old age. I’m a kinder and gentler person now.  So I would like to tell myself. Hold on for a minute.

I’m back! I just went down stairs to hold my AK-47 for minute, put the clip in, pulled bolt carrier lever to charge the weapon. I’m all good now. I’ve really got to kill something now. Don’t worry your little heads, the wife won’t let me have any ammo. That’s our deal, I can have all the guns I want just no ammo. I’m half way there? I love the smell of gun lubricant at 9:00 pm.

Back on track, I can hear what you’re thinking, that’s right, I can read minds. “Coolcycledude, it’s only a movie with fictional characters in the land of make believe.”  I like to talk about myself in the third party, sorry.”Coolcycledude, you don’t even own a Harley-Davidson motorcycle, nor did you go to film school so shut the ‘F’ up you loser!” That’s a fact I don’t own a Harley-Davidson motorcycle, nor did I go to film school. But I did race a Harley-Davidson motorcycle once and I was the winner! Read “That Vmax is going to get me into trouble one day”

Thank God for those “Old White Guys” that provided me with my First Amendment Rights.  So I shall continue to write. Sorry about bringing God into this, but I want it to look like I was writing with authority. That was just a little joke, please don’t blow up our house. I know a lot of you people with strong beliefs also have the need to be right too.  Sorry about the “you people” thing.

Almost forgot what this blog was about, didn’t you?  Don’t lie! This movie is kind of a rip-off of the Lord of Flies. You know that book you had to read in high school. You know I shouldn’t say that anymore. I don’t know if they make you read in high school anymore. I know for a fact that my niece got extra credit in English class for baking a pie and bringing it in. They say that timing is everything. If I was born some 30 odd years later I could have graduated high school by baking pies. Life is so unfair!

Anyhow, in the Lord of Files a bunch of kids get shipwrecked on some island and then it’s boys will be boys. They create their own society without the “Old White Guys” input and all hell breaks loose. The lizard part of the brain takes over.  When that happens, there are no boundaries to what one person will do to another.  At least in Lord of Files it was just boys killing boys.  Not that I’m condoning that but seemed okay at the time. But now 35 years into the future it doesn’t sit so well with me anymore.

But in this movie, girls are killing girls, boys are killing boys, boys are killing girls. Feminists should be damn happy now because girls were killing boys. Yeah! The world is complete now, I guess. Last but not least, we’ve have modified dogs killing kids.  During all of this killing, people are watching it on the big screen. Some type of F’d up reality show.

This was one of those go-to-washroom-a-lot movies for me. You know, you go into the washroom, wave your hand in front of the automatic paper towel dispenser and out comes a paper towel.  You do it a few times and think to yourself, “This is some cool shit here! I’ve got to have one of these things, damn!”  Then you run your hands under the air dryer and wonder, “Who was the butt-hole who designed this thing”?  You might like to check out the caulk job around the sinks. You may also look at the tile work to see if it’s straight.  Oh, don’t worry, when I’m done I’ve got a paper towel in my hand when I pull open the door to leave the washroom.  I’ve got to, the wife and I share large popcorn during the movie.

This movie is really about the strong crushing the spirit of the weak.  Taking the weak’s children and destroying them on the big screen. What better way to destroy their hope for the future by killing their children. I’m going to rate this movie as “Blows Big Time.” Save your money and give it to a group who helps kids that have been exposed to violence.

Thanks for reading my blog. It means nothing. Just me running my mouth.  Normally I write about motorcycles, but I think I’m going to continue this movie review stuff.  Please follow me on Twitter @coolcycledude and coolcycledude channel on You Tube.

Why are all the Aliens such pussies?

Just saw the Cowboys and Aliens movie. It should have been called the Cowboys, Aliens, Indians and a Dog movie. I’m not a big Cowboy movie fan. Went with the wife, going along with the program. Of course I saw all of the Clint Eastwood cowboy movies. I think just about everyone on the planet has seen those movies. I know this isn’t the most important question in the universe, but why not “Cowman?” You have “Snowman, Postman, Batman and so on.” Why do we still use the term “Cowboys”?

I think from now on I’m going to the show liquored or on acid. Things will make a lot more sense. Aliens have the technology to travel vast distances in space, but the Earth always has something they need. Is the Earth the 7-Eleven of the universe? Man I hope you live near a 7-Eleven or you won’t know what in the hell I’m talking about. Trying to make this a regional piece, trying to focus in on my market. Sorry.

The Aliens are here for the gold. Gold! Not to enslave the human race, not to steal our women or water this time. No, just the gold. No gold where they live? Is there a shortage of wedding rings on their planet? Maybe they need something to back up their money, too. It could be that the universe is in a recession and their worried about defaulting on their loans to other Aliens.

It’s good to see Harrison Ford still has an acting job. I wonder if he will draw any Star Wars fans? If you think about it Star Wars, was kind of a space western. I could see Star Wars fans seeing this movie. So this movie should get the people who like Cowboys, Star Wars and Lassie.

How come Aliens don’t wear clothes? Don’t Aliens have any fashion sense? Not even one Harley-Davidson tee shirt among them. Doesn’t it seem odd that an advanced race of Aliens can build spaceships, but can’t make any clothing? Really think about it. How does that happen?

Or, maybe, just before they land they smoke some alien wacky weed. If we’re doing it here on Earth, you know they’re doing it on the other side of the universe. Don’t kid yourself. So one of the stoned aliens says, “Hey dude, when we land, dude, let’s take off all of our clothing and run around naked.” Another stoned alien replies “Cool, dude, that should scare the shit out of them.”

Okay, let’s talk about the plot of the movie.  Some Aliens come to earth and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH and then they get their asses whooped. Why are the all of the Aliens such pussies? They always have the best weapons, biggest spaceships, but still they manage to get their butts kicked. Do they have a bunch of MBA’s running the show?

Chuck Norris should set up school for Aliens. Or better yet the Aliens could steal some of Chuck’s DNA and combine it with their DNA. That would have made a better movie. The Aliens come to earth and try to take some DNA from Chuck. Whoop, there it is more Aliens getting their asses kicked.

Thanks for reading my blog. I hope you weren’t in the process of solving the world’s problem and started reading this. Again thank you very much for reading my blog post. Please check out my You Tube channel coolcycledude and follow me on twitter @coolcycledude. Enjoy your life and be safe.

The New Transformers Movie

A lot of stuff gets blown-up-real-good. It looks like most of downtown Chicago got destroyed. I’m not completely sure, but the building I work in may have fallen victim to the giant robots. Good thing I wasn’t in it during the attack. This movie theater was jammed with people. I guess people really like to watching giant robots destroying things. Don’t get it, but going along with the program. I know my wife @heidithorne sure does. I should probably analyze my wife’s thirst for giant robots destroying things one day. Why can’t robots come to earth and cure cancer or create world peace. Why not giant Gandhi robots? Probably not too many people would want to see 2.5 hours of  giant Gandhi robots. Of course you never know. There could be a giant evil Gandhi robot if that’s possible.

This may sound odd, but do these giant robots need to go to the bathroom. I know I sure did after sitting there for 2.5 hours. I was about ready to pee in my pants. Which is not uncommon for me. So if I have to go, they must too. Maybe giant robot bladders can hold a lot more then ours. I can see the comments already, “Of course they can, they have bigger bladders, they’re giant robots. You sure are dumb coolcycledude, don’t you know anything about giant robot physiology. “Well I mean, they might have bigger bladders even for giant robots. Think how funny this would be. Picture this in your mind.  The giant robot just finishes destroying a building. Building parts scattered all over the place. Just like a giant robot would do. The giant robot walks over to another building, turns his robot head right then left to make sure no one looking and then takes leek on the other building. I know what you’re thinking, coolcycledude, you should be writing movie scripts for a living. I couldn’t agree more with you.

The big question I have about the giants robots is why do they need humans as slaves? To rebuild the their planet that they blew up. Oh, okay, wow, it all make sense to me now. I don’t want money back now, go ahead and keep it. Couldn’t they just build robot slaves? Imagine the logistics of managing 3 billion human slaves. Think of all of the code violations that would occur when they start rebuilding. Who’s going to feed all of these people? Will they have health care? Hopefully the giant robots don’t use Blue Cross Blue Shield as their insurance provider. How do you move all these people around ? After a few days of managing 3 billion human beings.They would get their giant robot asses in their robot spaceships and get as far away from earth as they can. Might even erase earth from their space maps.

Another question I have, is where did the robots learn to speak English. Did they use a Rosetta-Stone language course. Is English a required language in their education system? Or, maybe as they were all driving to earth they were swapping the Rosetta-Stone CDs or DVDs in and out of their robot computers.What would happen if they would have made mistake and landed in Japan. Maybe they have the whole series of Rosetta-Stone language courses on the robot spaceships. One other quick question. Do you think Rosetta-Stone will send me a free language course after mentioning then 4 times in this blog? Oh, if you know someone who works for Rosetta-Stone, please tell them about this blog. Sorry, but I like free stuff.

Wasn’t there motorcycles that turned into robots in the last Transformer movie? That would have been so cool to see a robot-motorcycle or a motorcycle-robot. Talk about product placement. It would have surely helped the motorcycle industry. That was one of the reasons I went to see the movie. Maybe, I have my giant robot movies mixed up. You know, the giant robots in these movies are all starting to look alike to me. I know that sounds racists, I just call them as I see them.

Thank you for reading my blog. You know, you could have used your time to wait in line to buy tickets to see a giant robot movie. Please check out my You Tube channel, coolcycledude. Ride your motorcycle and enjoy your life.